Desire

I wish I didn't care so much. I wish it didn't hurt so much.
Maybe it would be better if I had a fear of commitment, wild oats I needed to sew, a complex where no one is good enough or that I don't want to settle down right here.
It wouldn't break my heart everyday if I didn't have these desires and feelings....if I didn't think you were perfect for me.
I just watch you from a distance. You are so far away yet you lay right beside me. You touch my face and my hand but its like I am reaching out for you only to miss you by a mile.
You are so disconnected, yet I cannot disconnect. I cannot hold you from afar and not feel like I need more of you. More. So much more.
I long to be able to stop....and stop wanting you so badly, only to be hurt and disappointed once again.
Its almost as if the more I am with you, the more I want you...but the more you turn away and break me again and again.
I desire you. You are the reason for my sorrow and my joy. You are my teardrops and my laughter.
All the while, I wish I could just leave without missing you at all.